It's currently 4:40 AM and I have been up for about an hour or so unable to sleep. So many things are changing and big opportunities are coming up. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. With any luck we'll be pregnant by Feb. and as excited off my rocker as I am, I'm also crazy nervous. Holy smokes we might have a baby by next Christmas!
I had this moment of panic and asked Roy, "What if we aren't ready?? We could be screwing up kids!! What if they grow up and become crazy, horrible people and everyone will blame me!" Roy said, "Relax, it will be fine. We will be awesome parents. How many books have you read on this baby stuff? 100?" I told him, "134. And it's easy for you to say! The father is never mentioned. EVERYONE BLAMES THE MOTHER!!!" Of course, as always, Roy is my rock and assured me that we were going to be awesome parents, and have adorable babies, and they are all going to grow up to be genuises, doctors, and lawyers. So I'm better now. :)
Roy and I were recently involved in a semi heated debate with some other people about a topic that is quite the 'hot button' topic, but one that I feel very passionately about. I know that not everyone agrees with me, so I don't bring it up unless I'm asked. I have done an increadible amount of research on the topic (as I do before coming to any conclusion about anything), and I feel I'm well versed on the facts. These other people disagreed with Roy and I, so I gave some examples and gave them references as to where I found my information. I was told that 'anyone can find any information supporting their ideas online or in a book.' My wonderful husband that I love so very much told them, "Yes, but that wouldn't make it logically or scientifically sound. We are giving you examples of scientific studies and logical data. There is probably a google page out there saying the sky is green, or a book about how you can cure annirisms with hypnosis. That doesn't make them right." All they had to say....."Ugh. Some people and thier FACTS!" *bink*...... o_O
Anyway, that's us in a nutshell recently. I've lately realized that we will never have a lot of extra money just laying around. Soon after we got married we found out we had fertility problems, and we have been saving for one procedure or another; or one medication or another since then. When we finally do have babies; we will be spending money on taking care of them, putting them through school. Then we will be retired. Thankfully I don't care to much about being rich. Roy and I have always had enough. We have never gone hungry, and we have always had a roof over our head. We have been so immensely blessed and for that I am so thankful. My Heavenly Father may have given me trials I don't understand, but he has blessed me in so many other ways. Things have never been easy for Roy and I, but we have always been happy.
We have been through quite a bit together, and I very much appreciate him always being there for me. He has always been my best friend and my steadfast rock. Every time I've had a bad day; every time we've come home after hearing there's no heartbeat, every time someone has made a hurtful comment, every time we have had to pack up the baby things yet again, every time we are asked if we have kids and someone answers for us 'Oh no, they have dogs instead', every time I was ready to just throw up my hands and be done with it, every time I have close to just snatching someone's baby while they weren't paying attention.... He pulls me into his arms, and I close my eyes and listen to his hearbeat, and everything is okay. I told him today that he can't die before me, because he is what is keeping me from going postal and killing everyone. :)
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