Oy. Roy and I have heard this quite a bit, from many different people. It's pretty high on the list of what people say when they find out our parts aren't working together. I usually just say, 'it's not as easy as that.' or 'it's a lot more complicated than that'. Because I can't usually give that person a 20 minute explanation as to why their comment causes my eye to twitch and I ball my hold my own hands to keep from swinging at them.
Let me start off by saying; even if it was all that easy to 'just adopt', the average adoption in the US costs between $20,000 and $40,000. Here is a link so you know I'm not making stuff up. They have charts and everything. Go check it out. I'll wait.
http://www.theadoptionguide.com/cost/articles/how-much-does-adoption-cost
Now, those are just the recorded costs. That doesn't even touch the agency fees (yep, it costs one to three thousand dollars a month for an agency to keep your bio in their books to show birth mothers); or the money that most couples shell out to the birth mothers every month. It is actually uncommon for birth mothers to not receive any financial assistance during their pregnancy. Usually adoptive parents will pay their bills, pay for their medical, pay for maternity clothes, etc. That gets pretty spendy. The upside? It's cheaper than international adoption and you get to carry around your newborn baby looking like you haven't just had a baby. The downside? The birth mother can change her mind at any point, up to 60 days after the baby is born in most states.
I'm not even going to touch on international adoptions. Those cost an upwards of $100,000; and we would have to get a dossier, go to the country for 20 days, get approved, meet the baby, sign papers, go back home, wait for everything to get approved, go back for 15-30 days, bring back a passport for the baby along with all adoption legal papers, and hope that there are no delays in customs. Keep in mind we'd have to pay for our airfare, hotel, food, and transportation the whole time for both visits, and majority of the time is not even spent with the baby. It is spent working with lawyers and at the US Customs building. The upside? You are coming home with a baby no matter what. The downside? The cost. It's beyond crazy expensive.
So let's say that you are one of those people that are like, "But there are so many kids in the system that need good homes!!! You are selfish for going to such great lengths to have your own when there are SO MANY kids that need loving parents!!!" First of all, *gag*. Second of all, let me enlighten you..... This is a list of available children in my state.
http://nwae.org/PhotoIndex-WA.php
There are only about 100 kids listed. Do you know how many of them are infants? 0 Do you know how many are under 5? 2 And these children that are available for placement are not necessarily available for adoption. The foster care system is in the business of reuniting families, not playing adoption agency. Hubby and I have been married for 3 years and are in our 20's. I am not going to adopt a child that is older than how long we've been married. Especially considering we got married young. So no. There are not 'all these kids that desperately need homes.' And not even all the kids on that list can go to just anybody. There are several that specify they must be an only child, or an oldest child, or a youngest child, or go to a no pet house, or only go to a parent that has medical training.
I despise the fact that infertile couples are somehow held to a different standard. It makes no sense for a fertile person with several children of their own to tell me that because it's difficult for me to have children with my husband, that means that I must adopt. It's like a person that drives a Hummer telling a person who is car shopping that they need to get a prius to save the environment. Please, people.
If I'm feeling real snarky I'll just tell people; 'Yup, tried the adoption thing. All we got was broke and still didn't get a baby.' We tried to 'just adopt'. We spent a lot of money on our birth mother that changed her mind and kept our money and the baby for herself. And I'm going to say this because it's my blog and I don't have to be politically correct; If she needed us to pay her bills for months on end, she shouldn't have kept the baby. If someone can't take care of themselves, they have no business trying to take care of a helpless child that depends on them for everything.
In case you couldn't tell, I'm PMSing.
End rant.
Frustrated and infertile,
Rachel
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Moving Day!
We are moving! Yay! I'm so happy to be out of this horrible house!! Let me back up a bit, so you understand my joy...
When we moved into this house, it looked nothing like the pictures our landlord had sent us. It was filthy, stinky, and the whole house reeked of cigarette smoke and marijuana. I spent our first night here throwing up. There was food caked into the bottom of the oven; some unknown syrupy substance dripping down the inside of the pantry, the linoleum was coming up by the door and in the bathroom, there was mold in the bathroom and the guest bedroom, not to mention the idiot was still moving out when we got here. There was still a living room full of furniture and a huge tote full of his stuff and there was no grass in the yard. It was the most disgusting place I have ever been in. Week 2 of us being here he came in and laid sod, but it was 2 weeks before Thanksgiving so not a lot of it took and survived.
I spent the first 3 weeks scrubbing the walls, carpet, kitchen, and bathroom. Did I mention it was disgusting? After 2 washes the walls were 4 shades lighter and the stove and refrigerator were completely different colors. I went over the carpet with our wetvac once a week and the carpet got a shade lighter every time for the first 3 months. We didn't do much to the outside of the house, mostly because I didn't want to bother. It had mildew or some sort of unknown green substance growing on the outside of it.
The best part of it all; is that we had to call the cops on this man twice because he was inside the house when we got home. Yep. Just chilling on our couch, eating some kind of processed snack pastry, waiting for us to get home. The first time was because he had the lease for us (yes, when we moved in he didn't have a lease printed up. He had to go to the library and print up the lease and bring it to us), and the second time was to let us know he wanted rent early. The second time we changed all of the locks including the mailbox lock (oh yeah, he was also still using our mailbox). Both times he told the officers that it was his house, so he could do whatever, whenever. He was just letting us live here. Ha! Oh yeah, and our only means of communication with him was email, then he all the sudden stopped responding to us. His son emailed us and told us that his dad was having problems with his email, and we wouldn't be able to contact him that way anymore. So the only way we can contact our landlord is through his son's email. And his motorcycle has been sitting in our garage since day 1. He won't come get it.
So, fast forward to 16 months later; I am more than excited to get out of this place. I thought that after awhile the place would grow on me, especially since I spent hours a day cleaning it to get it livable. It didn't. I have hated it with a passion this whole time. Not to mention being terrified this crazy man would try to let himself in our house and I would be home all by myself.
So now we are getting ready to move in about 2 weeks and although I'm stressed out of my mind, I'm so excited!!! I never have to look at this house ever again. I never have to be in this house ever again! Hallelujah!
We are moving in with our friends Michael and Amy. We like them. :) We are going to be staying there until hubby leaves for deployment. Then I'll stay there until he gets back. Then hopefully we'll get knocked up and be able to move on base to a house rather then a small duplex.
The only thing I'm concerned about is moving the fish. We have a lot of very big fish. Like, we have to get a cooler because the fish are so big they won't fit in the bags the pet store gives you. But we are only moving about 15 min away, so it should be fine. Hubby has actually be awesome about helping me clear out the totes we have in the garage. He's emptied 9 already. We are getting rid of 70% of all of the crap in there. It hasn't been looked at in over 2 years, so we obviously don't need it. Everything we are keeping is just going to go in storage aside from the essentials (our bed, clothes, things for the dogs, etc).
Anyone that knows me knows that I'm an obsessive list maker and habitual planner. It's very bad. It would probably be considered some kind of illness. Nevertheless; I have lists for what we are keeping, what we are storing, and what we are tossing. I also have a list of things I need to clean, things I need to organize, and things I need to make arrangements for. I even have a list of all of the lists so I can keep track of them and make sure I've got everything covered. Hubby just laughs at me, but I'm a much happier person if I have my lists and everything goes accordingly to my plan.
Elated to be out of this poo hole,
Rachel
When we moved into this house, it looked nothing like the pictures our landlord had sent us. It was filthy, stinky, and the whole house reeked of cigarette smoke and marijuana. I spent our first night here throwing up. There was food caked into the bottom of the oven; some unknown syrupy substance dripping down the inside of the pantry, the linoleum was coming up by the door and in the bathroom, there was mold in the bathroom and the guest bedroom, not to mention the idiot was still moving out when we got here. There was still a living room full of furniture and a huge tote full of his stuff and there was no grass in the yard. It was the most disgusting place I have ever been in. Week 2 of us being here he came in and laid sod, but it was 2 weeks before Thanksgiving so not a lot of it took and survived.
I spent the first 3 weeks scrubbing the walls, carpet, kitchen, and bathroom. Did I mention it was disgusting? After 2 washes the walls were 4 shades lighter and the stove and refrigerator were completely different colors. I went over the carpet with our wetvac once a week and the carpet got a shade lighter every time for the first 3 months. We didn't do much to the outside of the house, mostly because I didn't want to bother. It had mildew or some sort of unknown green substance growing on the outside of it.
The best part of it all; is that we had to call the cops on this man twice because he was inside the house when we got home. Yep. Just chilling on our couch, eating some kind of processed snack pastry, waiting for us to get home. The first time was because he had the lease for us (yes, when we moved in he didn't have a lease printed up. He had to go to the library and print up the lease and bring it to us), and the second time was to let us know he wanted rent early. The second time we changed all of the locks including the mailbox lock (oh yeah, he was also still using our mailbox). Both times he told the officers that it was his house, so he could do whatever, whenever. He was just letting us live here. Ha! Oh yeah, and our only means of communication with him was email, then he all the sudden stopped responding to us. His son emailed us and told us that his dad was having problems with his email, and we wouldn't be able to contact him that way anymore. So the only way we can contact our landlord is through his son's email. And his motorcycle has been sitting in our garage since day 1. He won't come get it.
So, fast forward to 16 months later; I am more than excited to get out of this place. I thought that after awhile the place would grow on me, especially since I spent hours a day cleaning it to get it livable. It didn't. I have hated it with a passion this whole time. Not to mention being terrified this crazy man would try to let himself in our house and I would be home all by myself.
So now we are getting ready to move in about 2 weeks and although I'm stressed out of my mind, I'm so excited!!! I never have to look at this house ever again. I never have to be in this house ever again! Hallelujah!
We are moving in with our friends Michael and Amy. We like them. :) We are going to be staying there until hubby leaves for deployment. Then I'll stay there until he gets back. Then hopefully we'll get knocked up and be able to move on base to a house rather then a small duplex.
The only thing I'm concerned about is moving the fish. We have a lot of very big fish. Like, we have to get a cooler because the fish are so big they won't fit in the bags the pet store gives you. But we are only moving about 15 min away, so it should be fine. Hubby has actually be awesome about helping me clear out the totes we have in the garage. He's emptied 9 already. We are getting rid of 70% of all of the crap in there. It hasn't been looked at in over 2 years, so we obviously don't need it. Everything we are keeping is just going to go in storage aside from the essentials (our bed, clothes, things for the dogs, etc).
Anyone that knows me knows that I'm an obsessive list maker and habitual planner. It's very bad. It would probably be considered some kind of illness. Nevertheless; I have lists for what we are keeping, what we are storing, and what we are tossing. I also have a list of things I need to clean, things I need to organize, and things I need to make arrangements for. I even have a list of all of the lists so I can keep track of them and make sure I've got everything covered. Hubby just laughs at me, but I'm a much happier person if I have my lists and everything goes accordingly to my plan.
Elated to be out of this poo hole,
Rachel
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Lack of foresight....
So, every time that I go to the RE(fertility doctor); I always am depressed within moments of getting there. Not only am I admitting to the world that hubby and I are broken and are unable to do on our own what thousands of people do every day; they make us wait in the same waiting room as the pregnant women waiting to see their OB!
It just makes you wonder, what the heck were they thinking??? I should write a letter about it. And to add insult to injury, they put newborn care and pediatrics on the other side of us. F. M. L. Thank you, karma may I have another??
It's so funny, it's like the cliques in high school. Even though it's all one big waiting room; they sit on their side, and we sit on ours. They sit over there all smiling, touching their bellies, talking about due dates, birthing classes, baby gear, and occasionally how miserable they are.
We sit in our side, glaring at them. We talk about shots; pills, symptoms, how many doctors/specialists are are currently seeing, herbal remedies, side effects, our husband's sperm count, fertility loans, and shooting daggers out of our eyes at the pregnant women.
I hate the first 5 min because you have to go to the desk to check in. And the lady asks you, "Are you here for a prenatal appointment or fertility checkup?" And when you say, "Fertility checkup" all the pregnant women look at you with this look. Most infertile women know the look I'm talking about. It's the look that says, "You poor dear, I can't imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes...." I really hate that look of pity. It really grinds my gears. >:(
Saying, "I'm sorry" when you find out we are infertile is perfectly acceptable. But just leave it at that. I don't want to hear about your brother's step cousins' friend's neighbor that was told they have the same problem; and after going through fertility treatments they miraculously conceived on their own. Stories like that don't give me hope or make me feel better. And don't tell me it took you a whopping 6 months to conceive your fourth so you know how I feel. That will just make me hit you.
Well, now that I've gotten out some early morning aggression, I'm off to make hubby's breakfast and lunch. Enjoy your day, everybody!
Just waiting...
Rachel
It just makes you wonder, what the heck were they thinking??? I should write a letter about it. And to add insult to injury, they put newborn care and pediatrics on the other side of us. F. M. L. Thank you, karma may I have another??
It's so funny, it's like the cliques in high school. Even though it's all one big waiting room; they sit on their side, and we sit on ours. They sit over there all smiling, touching their bellies, talking about due dates, birthing classes, baby gear, and occasionally how miserable they are.
We sit in our side, glaring at them. We talk about shots; pills, symptoms, how many doctors/specialists are are currently seeing, herbal remedies, side effects, our husband's sperm count, fertility loans, and shooting daggers out of our eyes at the pregnant women.
I hate the first 5 min because you have to go to the desk to check in. And the lady asks you, "Are you here for a prenatal appointment or fertility checkup?" And when you say, "Fertility checkup" all the pregnant women look at you with this look. Most infertile women know the look I'm talking about. It's the look that says, "You poor dear, I can't imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes...." I really hate that look of pity. It really grinds my gears. >:(
Saying, "I'm sorry" when you find out we are infertile is perfectly acceptable. But just leave it at that. I don't want to hear about your brother's step cousins' friend's neighbor that was told they have the same problem; and after going through fertility treatments they miraculously conceived on their own. Stories like that don't give me hope or make me feel better. And don't tell me it took you a whopping 6 months to conceive your fourth so you know how I feel. That will just make me hit you.
Well, now that I've gotten out some early morning aggression, I'm off to make hubby's breakfast and lunch. Enjoy your day, everybody!
Just waiting...
Rachel
Monday, February 7, 2011
Yay productivity!!!
Well, it's not even 9 AM and so far I've..
-made hubby a big breakfast
-made hubby a big lunch to take to work with him
-done the dishes
-2 loads of laundry
-washed the dog's bed
-washed the dogs
-vacuumed
-exercised
-am getting ready to wetvac the carpets
-wrote out our menu for the week
I'm probably going to crash like a ton of bricks by noon, but that's okay. I'm really productive so far! I'm slowly turning into a morning person, and I'm not happy about it. I'm up usually up at about 4:15; make Roy's breakfast (no dairy is a lot harder then it sounds), make his lunch, let the dogs out, play online for awhile, clean up the house, take Miho on a run, do my pilates, shower, do laundry, do dishes, make the bed, let the dogs out, have lunch, take a nap, start dinner, play with the dogs, feed the fish., if it's monday or wednesday I work on Amy for an hour or so...that's pretty much my day. It's actually pretty boring when I write it out on here, but I'm actually going pretty much all day.
I always chuckle a little bit when people assume I'm just sitting at home coloring all day since we don't have any kids and I don't work. Things have run so much smoother since I started making a very detailed list of what is to be done every day. Roy knows what he can count on being done every day, and he never comes home and asks me, "So what have you been doing all day?" Everybody's happy. :)
I'm going to be living with our friends Amy and Michael and their 3 boys while Roy's gone. I'm happy I'm not going to be living all by myself (yes, I'm a pansy like that)and I'm excited to be staying with Amy and Michael. They are really good friends of ours that we go have game night with every Friday. They have been super patient with our puppies terrorizing their cat and Miho peeing on their carpet while she got used to their house.
We are also putting everything in storage, and only having the essentials at Michael and Amy's, and moving somewhere else when Roy gets back. Hallelujah!!! I really thought that this house would grow on me. It didn't. I still hate it. It's cleaner and more organized, but I still hate it. A lot. So to be bidding this horrible house adeau never to return makes me very happy! Yay to new beginnings!
-made hubby a big breakfast
-made hubby a big lunch to take to work with him
-done the dishes
-2 loads of laundry
-washed the dog's bed
-washed the dogs
-vacuumed
-exercised
-am getting ready to wetvac the carpets
-wrote out our menu for the week
I'm probably going to crash like a ton of bricks by noon, but that's okay. I'm really productive so far! I'm slowly turning into a morning person, and I'm not happy about it. I'm up usually up at about 4:15; make Roy's breakfast (no dairy is a lot harder then it sounds), make his lunch, let the dogs out, play online for awhile, clean up the house, take Miho on a run, do my pilates, shower, do laundry, do dishes, make the bed, let the dogs out, have lunch, take a nap, start dinner, play with the dogs, feed the fish., if it's monday or wednesday I work on Amy for an hour or so...that's pretty much my day. It's actually pretty boring when I write it out on here, but I'm actually going pretty much all day.
I always chuckle a little bit when people assume I'm just sitting at home coloring all day since we don't have any kids and I don't work. Things have run so much smoother since I started making a very detailed list of what is to be done every day. Roy knows what he can count on being done every day, and he never comes home and asks me, "So what have you been doing all day?" Everybody's happy. :)
I'm going to be living with our friends Amy and Michael and their 3 boys while Roy's gone. I'm happy I'm not going to be living all by myself (yes, I'm a pansy like that)and I'm excited to be staying with Amy and Michael. They are really good friends of ours that we go have game night with every Friday. They have been super patient with our puppies terrorizing their cat and Miho peeing on their carpet while she got used to their house.
We are also putting everything in storage, and only having the essentials at Michael and Amy's, and moving somewhere else when Roy gets back. Hallelujah!!! I really thought that this house would grow on me. It didn't. I still hate it. It's cleaner and more organized, but I still hate it. A lot. So to be bidding this horrible house adeau never to return makes me very happy! Yay to new beginnings!
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