'Just adopt'

Oy. Roy and I have heard this quite a bit, from many different people. It's pretty high on the list of what people say when they find out our parts aren't working together. I usually just say, 'it's not as easy as that.' or 'it's a lot more complicated than that'. Because I can't usually give that person a 20 minute explanation as to why their comment causes my eye to twitch and I ball my hold my own hands to keep from swinging at them.
Let me start off by saying; even if it was all that easy to 'just adopt', the average adoption in the US costs between $20,000 and $40,000. Here is a link so you know I'm not making stuff up. They have charts and everything. Go check it out. I'll wait.

http://www.theadoptionguide.com/cost/articles/how-much-does-adoption-cost

Now, those are just the recorded costs. That doesn't even touch the agency fees (yep, it costs one to three thousand dollars a month for an agency to keep your bio in their books to show birth mothers); or the money that most couples shell out to the birth mothers every month. It is actually uncommon for birth mothers to not receive any financial assistance during their pregnancy. Usually adoptive parents will pay their bills, pay for their medical, pay for maternity clothes, etc. That gets pretty spendy. The upside? It's cheaper than international adoption and you get to carry around your newborn baby looking like you haven't just had a baby. The downside? The birth mother can change her mind at any point, up to 60 days after the baby is born in most states.

I'm not even going to touch on international adoptions. Those cost an upwards of $100,000; and we would have to get a dossier, go to the country for 20 days, get approved, meet the baby, sign papers, go back home, wait for everything to get approved, go back for 15-30 days, bring back a passport for the baby along with all adoption legal papers, and hope that there are no delays in customs. Keep in mind we'd have to pay for our airfare, hotel, food, and transportation the whole time for both visits, and majority of the time is not even spent with the baby. It is spent working with lawyers and at the US Customs building. The upside? You are coming home with a baby no matter what. The downside? The cost. It's beyond crazy expensive.

So let's say that you are one of those people that are like, "But there are so many kids in the system that need good homes!!! You are selfish for going to such great lengths to have your own when there are SO MANY kids that need loving parents!!!" First of all, *gag*. Second of all, let me enlighten you..... This is a list of available children in my state.

http://nwae.org/PhotoIndex-WA.php

There are only about 100 kids listed. Do you know how many of them are infants? 0 Do you know how many are under 5? 2 And these children that are available for placement are not necessarily available for adoption. The foster care system is in the business of reuniting families, not playing adoption agency. Hubby and I have been married for 3 years and are in our 20's. I am not going to adopt a child that is older than how long we've been married. Especially considering we got married young. So no. There are not 'all these kids that desperately need homes.' And not even all the kids on that list can go to just anybody. There are several that specify they must be an only child, or an oldest child, or a youngest child, or go to a no pet house, or only go to a parent that has medical training.

I despise the fact that infertile couples are somehow held to a different standard. It makes no sense for a fertile person with several children of their own to tell me that because it's difficult for me to have children with my husband, that means that I must adopt. It's like a person that drives a Hummer telling a person who is car shopping that they need to get a prius to save the environment. Please, people.

If I'm feeling real snarky I'll just tell people; 'Yup, tried the adoption thing. All we got was broke and still didn't get a baby.' We tried to 'just adopt'. We spent a lot of money on our birth mother that changed her mind and kept our money and the baby for herself. And I'm going to say this because it's my blog and I don't have to be politically correct; If she needed us to pay her bills for months on end, she shouldn't have kept the baby. If someone can't take care of themselves, they have no business trying to take care of a helpless child that depends on them for everything.

In case you couldn't tell, I'm PMSing.

End rant.

Frustrated and infertile,
Rachel