Ways to get rid of solicitors...

WAYS TO GET RID OF TELEPHONE SOLICITORS

-"So what are you wearing?"

-talk very quietly and then without warning, scream as loud as you can into the phone.

-"you'll have to excuse me, my armpit is on fire."

-"I'm sorry, but this phone is for personal calls only. The boss won't let us use it for business."

- Respond to their questions with fax/modem noises.

-"Have you heard about that study showing that it causes impotence to sit all day with a telephone receiver next to your head?"

-When they ask to speak with you, say "Just a moment." and give the phone to your child to carry on the conversation.

-Pretend to be very interested in their product and then quite calmly and earnestly inquire, "Yes, but can it make a six minute casserole?"

-"I am truly sorry, but the moon is still in the seventh house of Pluto and my astrologer would just die if he knew I was talking to a salesperson during this solar phase."

-"This isn't a recording. This isn't a recording. This isn't a recording."

-Oh, it’s you again. I was hoping you’d call back. The better business people said I need more positive identification to file my complaint. Now first let me have your name and telephone number…

-When they ask “How are you today?” Tell them! “I’m so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died....”

-If they say they’re John doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

-Cry out in surprise, “Judy! Is that you? Oh my gosh! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

-If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends.....would you be my friend?”

-If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

-Tell the telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you a case of soda and some chips.

-After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

-Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?” The telemarketer will agree and you say, “Now you know how I feel! “ Say goodbye and hang up.

-Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”

-Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY because you want to write EVERY WORD down.


DOOR TO DOOR SOLICITORS

-Post a sign that solicitors will be shot.

-If they ask if you have found Jesus yet, explain that you have found Satan and think he's cooler than this Jesus guy.

-Answer the door naked. Sex toy in your hand is optional.

-Open the door, scream, slam the door.

-Install a trap door.

-Answer the door with, "So you're here for the orgy then?"

-Don't answer the door, but be obviously home. I usually turn the TV up a bit or make some noise cleaning something.

-Tell them your husband doesn't let you talk to strangers.

-Stare at them without saying a word. Try not to blink, it's even more effective that way.

-Stare at them while muttering to yourself.

-Learn an obscure language and yell in it.

-"Oh I so do love it when you people come by. Come, let me show you my knife collection in the basement."

-Try to sell THEM something. I suggest your children or sexual favors.

-Learn a few phrases in another language. But make it a difficult, fairly obscure language. Something not commonly heard in your area. When approached, begin babbling the phrases you memorized.
If you can, get a pen and paper and attempt to draw your message. Draw a confusing picture of what appears to be the Mona Lisa being carted off by aliens or leprechauns feasting upon a dead Yeti.
Then hold up the picture and continue babbling the memorized phrases. Open your eyes wide and wave around a hand.
They will think you are insane and it will be good entertainment for anyone watching who knows that you are 1) Most certainly an English speaker and 2) Have not encountered art loving aliens or Yeti recently.



Feel free to share your own tips on getting rid of solicitors! :)
With love,
the woman who is glad she lives in a gated community where the solicitors can't come. :D